Sunday, December 20, 2009

An Open Letter to General Motors

It would be disingenuous of me to say, in the wake of your announcement this week that Saab, the once proud marque you've spent the last two decades running into the ground, would be "wound down," that I will never buy a GM vehicle so long as I live, when in fact there was nigh unto zero chance that I would ever buy one of your shitty cars anyway.

So instead, on behalf of Saab drivers the world over, I simply say: May you all drive Buick Enclaves in hell for a hundred thousand eternities, you worthless fucking piece-of-shit motherfucking assholes, each and every last one of you.

Or how about this: May you all work shitty desk jobs for an insolvent, taxpayer-funded joke of a corporation, in perpetual fear of coming to work only to find your position, your department, your division eliminated, your 401k worthless, your pension vanished, for the rest of your godforsaken lives.

Oh wait, you say that's already happened? Good! My pre-GM Saab and I give you the finger and spit in your face. Baaahahahahaha!


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