Specific Motors

So now that dad's home from work and it's time for the kids running GM to face the music, the focus is again on "restructuring," and the General's plans to streamline its branding. No more Saturn. No more Hummer. No more Pontiac. No more Saab. Fair enough. That leaves a lean, focused line-up, right? Each clearly-defined brand delivering quality product to a specific, established demographic, with no redundancy, right? Let's look:

Chevrolet. The heart of GM. The heart of America. The heartbeat of America. Like a rock. Value value value. America. Corvette. Trucks. Hard hats. USA #1!

Cadillac. The Standard of the World. The Cadillac of automobiles. The Escalade of SUVs. Aspirational vehicles for executives and pimps. Bling. Sophistication. Technology. Fuckin' Cadillac, yo.

Buick. Golf. Dentists. NPR membership drive. Antiques Roadshow. Comfortable suburban affluence. Quality. Dignity. Unassuming vehicles for the rest of us.

GMC.

GMC.

GMC?

What the fuck is GMC still doing here? What is GMC's excuse for existence? What the hell does GMC sell that Chevrolet doesn't? "We are professional grade." That's their slogan. What the fuck does that even mean? "We're the Buick of trucks"? They're getting rid of Pontiac and keeping GMC? Who in the entire world gives a shit about GMC? Who would shed a single tear if GMC went away?

Do it, Executioner Obama! Kill GMC!