If Only I Had a Garage: 1988 BMW M5

Or, as the seller would have it, ///M. Cute. The car, however? Not cute. More like the anitpodal opposite of cute, in fact. How does a guy who builds a car like this start making up BMW emoticons? A fucking ninja assassin of an automobile. Me want.

Click on the pic to check out the auction.

No Substitute for Cubic Inches: 1980 Volvo 245

Okay I don't understand some things about this &mdash like why you would have to replace the whole instrument panel with a homemade-looking one, and why the wheels are painted white &mdash but the concept is sound and the execution looks pretty good. Once you're done hacking his ebay listing again, go to the root level of the site where dude's posted the extra photos and check out the wedding pics. Ewww.

Click on the pic to check out the auction.

I ♥ the 80s: 1981 Mercedes-Benz 500 SLC

Two words: gooseneck equalizer.

(Um, also? He's lowering the price by $1,000 every day that the car doesn't sell. Maybe when it gets down to a grand he'll start peeling away pieces of whited-out trim.)

Click on the pic to check out the auction.

Warning: Stunts Performed by Trained Professionals

Do not attempt at home, or with your own Ferrari.

Diaper Delivery With Style: 1993 Chevrolet Lumina APV

Speaking of minivans, remember the days when you could buy one that actually had some character? Back when a car company might actually be willing to go out on a limb, take a risk, and be a style-leader rather than just peddling perpetual blandness to the lowest common denominator? Well, I remember them too. And I'll take my minivan bland, thanks.

Click on the pic to check out the auction.

Road Test: 2006 Dodge Grand Caravan

Three weeks, five thousand miles. If the best that can be said about a Chrysler minivan is that it's an appliance of perfectly adequate utility, that's also the worst that can be said about it. Sole complaint: three college graduates &mdash one of them a fucking professional recording engineer &mdash could not figure out how to get the damn thing to play an iPod connected through the RCA jacks on the front of the stereo. Twenty pages of owner's manual dedicated to its operation, and not a hint of advice. Thanks guys.

Spotted: 1987 Dodge Caravan Triple-Axle WTF Edition

Killer sun-visor, too. September 21, Marietta, Ohio.

Caravan Stalker

Spotted: 1985 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme

Another sleeper, parked next to a gas station on the outskirts of Toronto. Check out the massive slicks paired with skinny bicycle tires up front &mdash awesome! September 20.

Cutlass Stalker

Spotted: 1990 Chevrolet Corvette ZR-1

The rare and even more rarely identified-as-such "King of the Hill" ZR-1. I've never been able to decide whether it was totally cool or just a blown opportunity for GM to build a car that was roughly twice as bad-ass as its then-standard 'vette and send it out into the world dressed all but indistinguishably from its lesser siblings. Dude isn't giving much away with the LT-5 vanity plates. September 17, Chicago.

ZR-1 Stalker

Spotted: 1980 AMC Eagle Green Bay Packers Edition

Pretty apt, actually, considering the Packers' season so far. Parked on somebody's property at the edge of I-94, Wisconsin, September 13.

Packer Stalker

Not Like I Was Gonna Buy a Volkswagen Anyway, But Still...

Oh god.