I ♥ the 80s: 1988 Chevrolet Corvette

I'll admit it: when I first saw one of these I thought it looked pretty hot. The whited-out wheels and rub strips and all-black greenhouse? Sweeeet. Actually it still looks kinda sweet, in a Van Hagar way. The steering wheel might be a bit much though.

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Execs Rub Eyes, Gather Clothes, Wonder What Happened Last Night

Subaru design shakeup: company scraps unpopular grille design

If Only I Had More Money Than God, and a Garage: 1974 Ferrari Dino 246 GTS

Ferrari porn time again. Seems like an awful lot for a Dino, but gawd is it beautiful. Fucking sex on wheels. Me want.

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If Only I Had a Garage: 1972 Lancia Fulvia

Those perfect proportions, the exquisitely thin pillars, the gorgeous interior. I bet it sounds wicked, too.

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If Only I Had a Garage: 1967 Triumph TR4A

Besides being ridiculously fun to drive, this car is guaranteed to double in value in the next five years. One would only need a small garage.

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Funny, No Mention of the Wife This Time: 1969 Lotus Elan S4

Dude is so whipped he even went back and edited his earlier ad. Somebody offer him ten, quick.

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I ♥ the 80s: 1984 Renault Alpine GTA

Like a De Lorean, only French-er. And no gullwing doors. And no stainless. Same engine though!

Not sure what's more surprising: that seller found at least two people willing to bid this thing up to $14K, or that he apparently set the reserve still higher than that! A strange car to go ga-ga over. If exclusivity's that important to you, I know where you can pick up a nice EXP, cheap.

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I ♥ the 80s: 1982 Ford EXP

My heart is racing. Palms sweaty. Somebody get me a drink, fast. Yes, it is none other than the elusive Ford EXP, perhaps the stupidest car ever offered for sale in these United States. A rebodied Escort, itself a irredeemably awful car, the EXP was so devoid of even marginally desirable qualities that beleaguered ad execs were reduced to building a campaign around the factoid that it happened to be Ford's first two-seater since the original Thunderbird! Whoo! Because who doesn't look at those tired-froggy eyebrows and think '55 T-Bird?

This is a shockingly well-preserved example. I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight.

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Art School Confidential: 1964 Plymouth Barricuda

I don't think dude has any idea his stuff could be hanging in a high-dollar gallery in any number of newly gentrified hipster neighborhoods around the country, but that only makes it that much more "authentic," right? Consciously or not, the choice of low-resolution camera phone (visibly reflected in several of these images) to record the gorgeous decay of his subject results in effects that are at once startlingly beautiful and utterly fresh. Never mind the car, let's see if he's offering prints.

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"Built to Honor the Victims of 9/11": 1969 Chevrolet Corvette

And no bids? Really?

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The One Hundred Thousand Songs of Johnny Z.: 1981 De Lorean

Okay, so this is possibly the most cheese-ball car of all time, but tell me this: if it somehow happened that you had a $100,000 recording budget, would you not be morally obligated to buy one just to park outside the studio and do lines off between takes? You totally would.

Slow and by all accounts clumsy handling, but whatever. A Giugiaro tour de force, and rarely has such a stunner of a design been executed with so few compromises. The freakin' stainless, man!

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Timing Is Everything: 1975 Sebring Vanguard Citicar

Anybody other than me feel a little funny about sitting on top of eight batteries?

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If Only I Had a Garage: 1949 Hudson Super Six

With three hours to go this auction is holding at $3200. Okay, a little rust, but c'mon people!

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Smell the Vinyl: 1977 Datsun B210

I love that they chose to repaint it in the original '77 mustard ochre. Beautiful. Too bad it's an automatic.

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King of the Tract: 1985 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme

I'm speechless?

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If Only I Had a Garage: 1995 Buick Riviera

Of course weird does not always equal bad, and even Buick manages to get something right by accident every so often. For as unassuming as they seemed at the time, these '90s Rivs were pretty radical: a cab-forward flagellum of an automobile with unusually thoughtful detailing and judicious use of chrome that complemented its bold shape. Or maybe it's just me. Anyway I would totally rock this, at least until the novelty wore off and I realized I was driving a torque-steering front-drive fat GM pig after all.

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I Dreamed I Dream: 1993 Buick Skylark

I think we're just now far enough removed from the '90s to fully appreciate just how weird things got over at the General during the Clinton years. Case in point: this Skylark. The curiously bearded grill. The droopy not-quite fender skirts. You get the sense that somewhere back there was a really cool initial concept sketch, but along the way to the production line everything that made it cool got lost and what was left was just ... this.

I have to say, though, that this example, especially with its cop black steel wheels, looks kinda bitchin.

Somebody needs to go over to seller's house and confiscate every copy of HTML for Dummies they find there. I'm guessing there'll be more than one.

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I'll Take Two: 1988 Mercury Sable LS

Quick, no looking: does Mercury still exist? Not easy, is it? For years Mercury was great because you always knew that if what Ford was selling wasn't goofy-looking enough for you, you could just go into the showroom across the street and Mercury'd have something even weirder. Here's your chance to take home one of the most confounding designs of the '80s for a mere fifty bucks.

"This appears to be a non-garaged automobile, however, if it were the vehicle's choice, it's owner would have garaged it." Ummm...

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The Car's Never Won a Superbowl Either: 1985 Buick Riviera

I just hope they painted over Gary Anderson's autograph.

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Going Twice: 1972 Lamborghini Espada

More stunning pics of the car featured last month, now being offered again. I have it on good authority that the exhaust leaks in three places and the car's prone to overheating on hot days. Still, are we not talking about the coolest ride in the known universe? Is $55K too much to pay for that?

Click on the pic and agonize. "No one really knows..."

You Know Your Marriage Is Doomed When...

Your pet name for your wife is "Circumstances." Wanna bet she hasn't been with him for thirty years? Wanna bet she ain't gonna be? Keep your Lotus, dude.

Dept. of Ewwww: 1977 Ford Mustang Cobra II

Is it just me, or is there something unsettling about the above image in combination with the seller's use of the word unmolested? And what's up with people caring about matching numbers on a Mustang II ferchrissakes?

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Dept. of WTF: 1982 Volvo 244 GL

You know, I gotta wonder why nobody thought to put Mercedes headlights/an Audi front bumper/a BMW 745 rear bumper/M3 mirrors on their 200,000-mile twenty-four-year-old beater Volvo before. I mean, it seems so obvious to me now.

"DRIFT CAR RALLY EDITION." Mmmm-hm. Thanks to Liz for the heads-up.

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ESL Moments: 1982 Chevrolet Camaro Berlinetta

Points for creative spelling, arbitrary use of quotation marks, inexplicable use of initial caps. The topper though is the reference to the person who, it would seem, handles his wardrobe.

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Li'l Deuce Coupe: 1968 BMW 1600-2

Some people do know how to take pictures of their cars.

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Dept. of Probably Not Dept.: 1987 Renault Alliance GTA

Okay, it's one thing if you can't take a picture of your car. More alarming is the fact that dude apparently paid to have someone rebuild the engine in his Renault Alliance for him. Wouldn't it make more sense to, I dunno, just throw it away?

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If Only I Had a Garage: 1963 Ford Ranchero

What could be freaking cooler? Well, maybe if it had a three-on-the-tree. Still, pretty cool. (Incidentally, those gauges can't be original, can they? Nah, not with km/h on the speedo...)

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If Only I Had a Garage (and a French Mechanic): 1957 Panhard Dyna Z

Front-wheel-drive, independent suspension all around, all-aluminum air-cooled flat two cranking out upwards of 50 horsepower (aided in part by hemispherically shaped combustion chambers — it's a hemi!), and they'd been using all this technology for ten years by this point.

More importantly, look at the interior! And check out this spectacular promotional lit! (Scroll down a little bit, you'll see it.) More photos, please.

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I &hearts the 80s: 1980 Mazda GLC

Is it possible that there is a better-preserved 1980 Mazda GLC wagon in the world? Seems unlikely to me. Seems exceedingly unlikely to me in fact that one of these should have survived at all, which makes this example all the more miraculous.

I kinda can't get over it. Those puny little 155/80 tires — 80! The little instrument binnacle surrounded by fake wood, the two-spoke steering wheel, and that switchgear ... all wrapped, of course, in sensible biege — but with pinstriping! There is something deeply charming to me about all of this. I kind of really want it.

"The lines of body style are as acceptable and pleasing today as when introduced." Couldn't have said it better myself.

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If Only I Had a Garage: 1970 Fiat 500

Who doesn't love a Cinquecento? The reserve on this one seems a little high, but then again maybe not given its apparent condition. It was once explained to me in Italy that the hole in the roof is there so your girlfriend has somewhere to put her legs. Who doesn't love a Cinquecento?

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If Only I Had a Garage: 1970 Saab 99

Someday I'm gonna own me a pre-GM Saab.

"There is no bodywork present on this vehicle" is a curious disclaimer, particularly in light of the photos which seem to suggest otherwise. "We are unable to tell if the mileage represented on this vehicle is actual miles, because the odometer cable is snapped," is a little more troubling. But man it sure looks good. Me want.

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Spotted: 1973 Toyota Prius Trans Am SD-455

Anticipating the GM-Toyota alliance that would spawn the Prism/Corolla decades later, only a handful of these Super Duty Priuses were ever built. It's said a disproportionate number of same found their way to western New York.

A rare bird indeed.

Prius T/A Stalker

Spotted: 1962 Vauxhall Cresta PA

Yes, even among the vainglorious VW Bentleys and poseur Porsches, one might still run across something cool in London (your chances improve in the East End). Another one can be seen here.

Cresta Stalker

Road Test: 2006 Ford Focus ZX4

Twelve hundred-some miles over (mostly) two days, and not a bad little car, even for an auto-equipped stripper. It even sounded kinda cool, with a cute little muted growl when you got on it. I would seriously consider ... renting one again.

Missed Connections: 1985 Maserati Quattroporte

Sorry for the disappearing act; it's been a busy couple weeks.

On July 24, gripped by a passion I can only compare to the experience of being batshit in love, I sent the following message to the seller of the above automobile:

Hi there. I wonder if you would consider letting the Quattroporte go for less than $5000 — is $4000 out of the question? Also, I'd love to pick up the car and drive it home, but I'm going to be traveling for work for the next few weeks. If we can agree on a price, would you be willing to house the car until I can get out there (say, August 10)? Let me know either way. I've got cash in hand, would be happy to PayPal or wire a deposit now, however you prefer. Hope to hear from you soon!

I was ready to pull the trigger; I even would've been happy giving him the full $5,000 he was asking. Dude never replied.

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